


Exiled

by Genie60



Series: Poldark Series 2- Dribs and Drabs [10]
Category: Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark - All Media Types
Genre: Betrayal, Declarations Of Love, F/M, Hurt, Marriage, Reconciliation, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 08:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9375890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genie60/pseuds/Genie60
Summary: What happened after Demelza left Ross in the library in Episode 9?





	

**Author's Note:**

> For @mymusingsfromtheheart because she asked for this. I hope it doesn't disappoint. 
> 
> Credit to WG for use of his words and characters and Debbie Horsfield for the missing flashback scene we didn't see.

“Demelza!” 

He called after her but she was already out of hearing range and so did not return to the library to see what he wanted.   He clasped his hands and bowed his head, almost as if in prayer as he contemplated her words; words that stung as they hit him knowing that his very intuitive wife for once was wrong.  He had no idea on how to explain to her what he was feeling when he was unsure himself especially when it came to the fallout from his actions.   What he did know was that Demelza’s assumption that he found her distasteful after his encounter with Elizabeth was as far from the truth as could be.  Quite the opposite.  He knew almost immediately upon his return that what he thought he longed for was less than satisfying. And what he needed and desired was embodied in the woman sleeping upstairs in their bed alone. 

 Since the morning after his thing with Elizabeth, Demelza had relegated him to the library.  He should not have been surprised as her immediate reaction to what he did was to hit him; which he had to admit had a sobering effect on him.  As did his new sleeping arrangements although he got very little sleep on this uncomfortable cot. Perhaps that was a good thing. Another punishment for what he’d done.  Over the past few nights he had time to think about what he did as well as how it affected the two other people involved in this fiasco. While his head could not accept his feelings about Elizabeth it did, clarify what he felt for his wife, thanks to the vivid memories of their life together that came to him in dreams. 

  Last night was the worst as the visions transported him back to the time when the putrid throat took hold of the county. He thought about how, after losing his most precious daughter, he was afraid he would lose the love of his life as well.  Images of the wreck that put him on trial flooded his mind; he saw himself walking into their bedroom to find Elizabeth sitting next to his wife, wiping her brow.  Ross should have been pleasantly surprised to find his first love tending to his forever love; however that was not what he remembered. What he saw was his Demelza, finally sleeping after coming out of a fever, looking very much like the frail urchin he brought home years before.  He remembered telling Elizabeth to pray and then as he caressed his wife’s face, trying to coax her back to him, hearing her voice ask “Has she come to take you?”  Ross woke up in a cold sweat when he heard his own voice respond “No my love, she will never take me.” 

He sat on the edge of the bed after that dream, his breathing hard, shaken to the core. He realized then that Demelza’s greatest fear had almost come true.  And yet, he had done nothing in the past few days to alleviate that fear. With her comment about his perhaps falling for the delicate charms of Elizabeth, he knew that her anger did not stem from just the breaking of their marriage vows but by the thought that he was going to leave her for Elizabeth. And that was the furthest thing from the truth.  In fact, that thought had not even crossed his mind.  

Now, as he once again prepared for bed in the hopes of getting some sleep, alone, without Demelza, he knew that if anything he needed to try and reach out her to tell her that no matter what she might be feeling he had no intention of leaving her.  And he knew she would ask what he _did_ intend.  That was the rub.  He didn’t know.  He didn’t know how to deal with the other woman, for that is all that Elizabeth was to him now. She was no longer his first love or his long lost love. She had become the other woman for Demelza was, first and fore most the _only_ woman in his life. 

Ross paced the library and took a draught of brandy before deciding to go find his wife so that he could try and talk to her.  He knew it might be too soon, but he had to try.  Their meeting on the beach was bitter and didn’t end as he would have liked. He knew his words were a pitiful attempt to get her to come around and let what happen fade away.  In some part of his mind he truly believed that if enough time passed her rage would lessen and he could go back to the way things were.

 _Which were what,_ He asked himself.   Treating his wife as if she weren’t there?  Ignoring her needs and wants in favor of his own?  Or worse, in favor of another?  Taking her for granted and at times falling back into the master mode, expecting her to follow his orders instead of her own mind?  If he had a mirror he was sure he wouldn’t like what he saw or the person who would be looking back at him.  He steeled himself for an unpleasant confrontation but he knew it needed to be done. Stepping into the hallway he turned to go upstairs to find Demelza when he heard her soft voice coming from the kitchen. He quietly walked towards the door and as he did soon after they were married, stood and watched her as she knead the dough for bread.  Except this time the tune was mournful and sad, not silly and joyful as she usually sang.  He said nothing but continue to stare at Demelza, his heart aching for her.

****~~~~****

Demelza went to the bin to get more flour and stopped for a moment to take a breath. The strain of the past few days was starting to catch up with her.  Her run in with Ross about why he was exiled to the library was the latest incident in a week full of incidents. This one irritated the wounds she was trying to heal because of his belief that she didn’t want to be near him anymore. That was far from the truth. While she couldn’t forgive him just yet for what he’d done, her arms and more importantly her heart, felt empty.  She worked harder and did more chores just to avoid going upstairs to their bedroom to sleep alone.  It hadn’t occurred to her before that night how much a part of her being Ross Poldark had become.  That thought had manifested itself in her at the Bodrugan ball when she denied Captain McNeil access to her body.  It was then that she unequivocally knew that her husband would forever be the one love her life.  And she hated him for it. 

When they met on the beach the next morning, the rage she had at herself turned to something else as the more he spoke.  There she was, disheveled and lost, trying to make a plan for the rest of her life that did not include her husband and then he appeared, seemingly unscathed by the events he caused.  The sight of him, fresh from seeing his mistress as she was so sure he had done, was enough to turn her feeling of abandonment to hostility, a rare emotion for her.  Their ensuing conversation did nothing to bridge the gap between them and in fact seemed to widen it.  Even now, knowing that Elizabeth had indeed married George, Demelza did not feel any sort of contentment or comfort.  Her comment earlier that Ross perhaps found her distasteful was not totally without merit.  Or so she thought.

She moved back to the table, her mind wandering traveling the years and all they had suffered through and survived and still could not believe that he would toss her aside so easily.  Yet, she knew it possible because as she was always reminded, Elizabeth was his first love. And first loves are not easily replaced or forgotten so Elizabeth being able to take Ross from her should not be a surprise.  Oddly enough, she dreamt last night of just that. She had gone back to the time when she was taken ill with the putrid throat and Elizabeth had come to take care of her.  Then she was sure that she had come to take Ross and told him so.  He assured her that she would never take him.  Seems he was wrong about that.  A sad smile came to her face as she replayed that in her head, hearing his voice so full of love, say those words.

As she worked the flour and ingredients into dough, she started to hum the tune she sang to Jeremy the morning after his betrayal. It was sad and hopeless, just as she felt now.  Without realizing it a tear slipped down her cheek and fell onto the table, leaving a divot in the mound of flour. Soon another joined it and shortly she was sobbing, finally freeing the pain she had held for days. Collapsing onto the bench, she held her head in her hands and let the tears come. She muffled the sound into her hand so that she wouldn’t wake the house and most especially so Ross wouldn’t hear. She rose to close the kitchen door to insure this when she saw him standing there, watching her, tears visible in his eyes as well. 

Demelza quickly moved to raise the apron to her face and wipe it clean. The last thing she wanted her husband to see was her weakness for she was sure it would give him power to think he could get her to forgive him totally. 

“Ross?” she said, straining to sound sure.  “I was just finishing the loaves for tomorrow.  Did you want something?  I’m sorry if I woke you.”

Ross stepped into the room but stopped short of getting close enough to touch her as much as he wanted to bring her into his arms and hold her.  Instead he leaned on the cabinet and studied her as she went back to her task.  Now he could see her hands shaking as she kept her head bowed feigning concentration.  He knew that she felt the same ache that he did if not more so.  He couldn’t let her continue to think that he was that heartless and uncaring or that he was oblivious to her feelings.

“Demelza?” he started to say.  And then stopped. The words he wanted to stay, that were on the tip of his tongue and the surface of his heart would not come.  They stuck in his throat and he knew why.  He knew that telling Demelza that he loved her or that she was definitely not second best would sound false coming this soon after what he’d done and on the heels of Elizabeth’s marriage.  His proud and stubborn wife would insist he was settling for her because his first choice was no longer available.  Ironically enough, up until that moment, Ross could have believed that to be the case. But no more. There was no second best.  There were only second thoughts.  And the only second thought that Ross had was about why he did what he did in the first place which was going to Trenwith.  Of all the reckless moves he’d done in his life that had to be the most idiotic. He knew what he had to do towards reconciling with his wife.  He had to take it slow and think about each step before moving forward. 

He watched her face as she stared back at him, waiting for him to do something.  Taking a tentative step toward his wife, he saw her eyes narrow in curiosity trying to figure out what to he was doing. Ross knew he couldn’t tell her he loved her but he could show her that she was wrong about what he thought of her.  Coming to stand in front of her, he placed the softest of kisses on her cheek and stepped back to search her face for any sign of rejection or repulsion. There was none. He took that as a start.  Silently he turned and walked to leave but before exiting the kitchen swung back to look at her.  He needed to correct her previous misconception.

“Just to be clear, delicate is very overrated.  And distasteful is not a word that I will ever use to describe you. Sleep well my love.” 

Demelza watched him depart, her hands still in the dough, stunned into wordlessness by her husband’s actions and words.  And surprisingly a small feeling of hope seemed to find its way into her being.  She turned back to what she was doing and started to sing again.

_I'd a pluck a fair rose for my love_  
_I'd a pluck a red rose blowin'_  
_Love's in my heart, I’m tryin' so to prove_  
_What your heart's knowin'_

Ross was about to close the door to library when he heard her voice and smiled to himself. He kept it open and felt for the first time in days that he would sleep and dream of the tall red head that was first in his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to all who keep reading, commenting and messaging me. It's been amazing finding my voice and finding you. I am truly blessed and grateful to all who support and share.


End file.
